Stuck in the Cycle of Anger & Guilt? 5 Tips Every Mom Deserves to Know!

posted on Jun 18, 2024

Gurukul The School, a well-known top cbse schools in Ghaziabad, firmly believe that every mother should discuss with kids about possible scenarios

Every mother follows a different parenting style to raise their kids holistically, yet it so happens that once in a while, every single mother gets unintentionally caught in a vicious loop of anger and guilt. We at Gurukul The School, a well-known best school in ghaziabad, spoke to many mothers in this context and observed a common pattern—It all starts with a stressful situation where a mother resorts to anger by raising her voice or punishing their child. Once the feeling of anger settles, they instantly experience a wave of guilt washing over them for their angry reaction. This guilt compels the mother to overcompensate in ways that may lead to more challenging behavior from their children. And this cycle continues, unless mothers make a conscious effort to break it.

If this resonates with you, you, too, are probably stuck in the cycle of anger and guilt, accompanied by unhealthy, overcompensating tendencies. If you want to break this toxic pattern and enjoy the bliss of healthy parenting at all stages, implementing the five tips shared below will help you significantly. Read on.

1. Embrace ‘Good Enough’ Parenting

The unrealistic parenting standards set for mothers are one of the biggest triggers of the anger-guilt cycle. It is where the concept of ‘good enough’ parenting comes to the rescue. This concept was founded by a pediatrician and psychoanalyst named D. W. Winnicott.  It highlights that children don’t need ‘perfect’ parents to thrive; they only need parents who are present, loving, and meet their basic needs.

Embracing this philosophy can be liberating for many mothers because it empowers them to set realistic parenting standards, not the ones promoted by society. You can follow it by identifying your ‘non-negotiables’ and challenging your list of ‘shoulds.’ Celebrating small wins and reframing failures into growth opportunities would contribute to great results.  

2. Create a Safe Time-Out Space

We at Gurukul The School firmly believe mothers also deserve time-out to nurture themselves. After all, happy mothers raise happy children. Hence, mothers shouldn’t view this activity as a selfish act of self-indulgence. Instead, it should be treated as self-care which is vital for even human being.

Something as simple as sitting silently for a few minutes and enjoying your favorite beverage or meal can help improve your mood significantly. It will revitalize you with new energy to handle all challenging situations with a calm mind. You don’t necessarily have to organize fancy or day-long time-outs, especially if you have a packed routine. Just remember to practice it regularly and notice visible improvements.  

3. The 5-Second Reset

According to Gurukul The School, practicing the five-minute reset technique is one of the quickest ways to dissolve anger in stressful moments. Whenever you start feeling angry, stop whatever you’re doing, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Now, start counting backward from five to one in your mind, visualizing each number washing over your anger like waves on a beach.

Once done, open your eyes and respond to the situation with this refreshed mind. This simple-looking exercise is really powerful because it interrupts anger before it takes over your mind, making you react aggressively. Since you cannot practice it when you’re angry, make it a part of your daily routine so it eventually becomes your second nature.

4. Practice Future-Self Visualization

It is an excellent technique that emotionally distances mothers from pressing situations, letting them respond in a more composed manner. Like the 5-second reset technique, it also requires daily practice until it becomes your second nature for effortless implementation during stressful situations. Start by gently closing your eyes, taking deep breaths, and visualizing yourself in a future timeline, i.e., a year ahead or more. Then, ask yourself mentally how you will respond to this situation in the future. Once you receive some clarity, open your eyes and navigate the situation accordingly. Daily practice of this technique will strengthen patience, decision-making, and confidence while reducing guilt and anger.  

5. Develop a Repair Ritual with Your Kids

No matter how hard mothers try, there will be situations where they will lose their temper and express anger. While no one can avoid getting angry, everyone can try to acknowledge where they went wrong and make appropriate efforts to rectify their mistakes. It is where the ‘repair ritual’ comes in. We at Gurukul The School, a well-known top cbse schools in Ghaziabad, firmly believe that every mother should discuss with kids about possible scenarios where they may lose temper and mutually decide on ways to work together to make things better after arguments. Brainstorm rituals together, keep them simple, and be consistent for excellent results.

Conclusion

Every mother wants to become the ‘best’ parent for their kids, but they often forget that their little ones don’t want a superhero throughout their growth journey. All kids desire a happy and present mother who looks after their basic needs and offers ample growth opportunities. If you feel your anger and guilt issues often get in the way of your parenting journey, you can benefit by practicing the tips discussed in this blog post. Keep in mind that anger-guilt cycles can never be broken overnight. Hence, our advice to all the mothers reading this blog post would be to try to remain consistent with these practices with all your will and determination. You’ll surely begin noticing a positive change in you and your relationship with your kids very soon.